Dog-Like Senses

Or self-esteem?

Over the last several months, I have continued to be supportive of a close girlfriend’s escape out of a relationship with her pieceofdogsh*t (ex)boyfriend. The drama between the two of them drove me absolutely nuts, and furthermore her continued return to said pieceofdogsh*t boyfriend actually caused me not to talk to her for almost a year. I couldn’t take talking about all the shitty things that he did and her continued excuses for returning to him.

Perhaps I could have understood if he was a winner, but no. He was nothing, is nothing, and has nothing. He won’t work full time, he doesn’t have his own place, he doesn’t treat her well, he’s not that attractive, and he’s not even that good in bed. There is no chance that this guy is a fixer upper type. So, it always puzzled me as to how he managed to pull my friend. She is naturally very pretty, she has a good job, has her own apartment, drives a nice car, and manages to be a good person. How does this work?

At some point, I had a discussion with another friend about a person’s ability to get in a dating relationship with almost the same types of guys repeatedly. My close girlfriend has a history of dating various levels of no-good men. It’s like the time she had a guy ask to borrow $1000. Why would he ask you, a working single mother, for that kind of money? He won’t even commit to being in a relationship. Again, almost all of the boyfriends wanted midnight relationships (e.g., Imma come over at midnight, I can’t see you right now). 

In any event, I say all of this because it seems that some women continuously find themselves in the same wack dating relationships. On a surface level, I assumed that the women continued to pick guys with the same types of characteristics. To some extent, I believe that this is true. Then again, there is a part of me that wonders how the wackassguys keep finding her. Do these men have dog-like senses in which they are able to smell her weaknesses and flaws? As a woman, I don’t attempt to seek and take advantage of weakenesses in a man. The things I do sense are typically things that trigger an avoidance reaction for self-protection (e.g., maybe he’s no good). I look for his actions as a way to indicate his commitment, affection, and seriousness in this relationship. I try to find signs indicative of his character. Will he treat me well?

Grown Folks, in terms of continuing to find the same type of problematic boyfriend/girlfriend similar to past failed relationships, does it seem to be an issue of continuing to select the wrong person? Is it possible that the wrong person senses your flaws and picks you?