I should start off by saying that women may be a little miffed/cuttin a side eye that I am revealing some of our sex secrets, but it’s time that we let men into our inner circle.
Hello. My name is YouMissMe and I occasionally lie about sex.
Interestingly, this is not strictly a married or single girl phenomenon. While we (women) openly acknowledge that we do lie about some things (e.g., shopping habits, “I’m not mad”), sex is one of those topics that women tend to chat about only during Girls’ Night over many drinks. Since some of you fellas are faithfully following our blog, I’ll let you in on a few of our sex lies.
1. I’m tired (have a headache, etc)
So, occasionally we lie to get out of having sex. Depending on the circumstance I could be telling the truth (hey, I am tired after work). Unfortunately, 75% of the time I’m probably lying. This is the equivalent of the “it’s not you it’s me” line that guys believe they invented, but women have perfected in unimaginable ways. Rude, I know. When I say this, I’m probably lying. Unless you try that 3 am wake up call and then I’m completely telling the truth.
2. Achieving the Big “O”
It’s really unfortunate that women lie about achieving an orgasm during sex, especially since we are on the losing end. Why do we lie about that? Well, other women may have different opinions. I may not quite be “there”, but I’m probably ready for you to get off of me.
3. Your “size”
Is it really the biggest we’ve ever had? Well…
4. You’re the best I’ve ever had
You may truly be the best, I mean someone has to be a girl’s best. Sometimes we tell guys this out of pure awkwardness. If you ASK me if you’re the best, then I feel more inclined to lie. Technically, this lie is your fault guys. Stop asking us that.
5. It’s yours
Okay, dirty talk. If you ask me “whose is it?” and I say “it’s yours” then this could be a set up question. Unless we are married or seriously involved, this is a complete lie. I promise you, I put it on everything I know, it’s mine and you are just lucky enough to be allowed to visit.
Well, here are a few lies that I have told. Am I completely off?
~YouMissMe
bookerdubois
Grown Folks Talking
jaidevivre
mrsgrownlady
Youmiss
Grown Folks Talking... 
None of those “lies” were things that we didn’t know about. Lol. You can add to that list……. “I normally don’t do this.” “I feel bad because we shouldn’t be doing this!”. ” I’ve ONLY been with……” The funny part is that we don’t care. I don’t want it, if you aren’t into it. I don’t care if I am the best just whether I am ” eligible for rehire.” We have probably seen more penises than you guys, if he has played any organized sports. We know where we rank! I say this to say that we laugh at the same lies that you laugh at. We are no more convinced than you are when you call at ten, get the voice mail, and the next morning ” I fell asleep”. You know what time your man goes to bed, and how hard he sleeps. We both (men and women) sometimes allow a silly lie for the “greater good.”
LMAO! We LIE all the time about our sex count. ALL THE TIME!
So you’re saying that men and women engage in a ridculous sex charade with understood, but unspoken, rules?
Great post, youmissme! I agree with the entire thing, but I especially co-sign numbers 4 and 5. Essentially, they amount to the same thing- you clearly WANT me to lie to you. Agreed, someone has to be the best, but statistically speaking, the odds that it’s you…aren’t great…
@ontez, I love hearing from the guys! LMAO@ “I don’t care if I am the best just whether I am ‘eligible for rehire.’” I disagree somewhat with you and youmissme. Some of the “lies” you mentioned could potentially not be lies. Like, I haven’t gotten to the point personally where I lie about my count. Not to say that I won’t at some point, but just that I have no need to yet. So if I decide to answer the silly man who asks me how many people I’ve been with, at this point at least, he’s getting the truth.
“We both (men and women) sometimes allow a silly lie for the ‘greater good.’”- This I TOTALLY agree with!
Maybe I should clarify the lie about the sex count thing. There are times when I debate whether a guy should technically apply to the count (e.g., if he was terrible maybe he doesn’t have to be a notch in the belt) :o)
That makes more sense. You and I have had this conversation and as you know, those are exactly the criteria I plan to use when I start to “modify” my count. If it was over in less than five minutes, I really don’t feel like it should mess up my numbers…bad data…
I don’t feel like it is a rule that those answers have to be a lie…………. Just that in MOST cases they are. I think it normally applies to volunteered answers. You know………. Post the “I don’t normally do this. Lol@ youmissme……. Yeah pretty much. It is just one of those things.
So can I not count my ” ewww why did I do that womnen?!
@ Ontez: If she’s not deserving, then I say forget said notch… though it seems that many guys try to overestimate their number of notches. If it’s so bad that you are willing to subtract, I say go ahead LOL.
@youmissme. I can’t for the life of me understand why men do that. I have stopped talking to a couple of my “boys” for that type of thing. Smh. So lame!
I plead the fifth : )
Booooo! You can’t plead!!!
..you forgot the one about “size doesn’t matter’…yeah it does…sorry guys….
ivonne
@ Ivonne’s Journey
LOLLLLLL Yeah it does! I’m not sure who made up that whole “motion in the ocean thing”…
Though bigger does not necessarily get you through life.
I’m just sayin
Women lie, so do I…Yeah baby that was crazy, have you heard that before, yeah we men invented that one just for you.
You are tired: hell so am I…stop talking
You never had the BIG “O”…sounds like that is your fault, do what we do and picture your best friend.
You are NOT the best…and I am NOT the father
You have only been with 5 men…OK were you born with those extra jaw muscles
LMAO! @ AJAC
“Yeah baby that was crazy”- We use that same line, though I never use it unless he keeps asking me “did you like that baby”… “yeah, baby that was crazy”. In this case, crazy is used loosely and is kind of not a lie.
Your Maury reference —dead—- LMAO!!
to ajac…lmao..loved your comment…
ivonne
wait…these are lies????
@Booker: Selectively used lies LOL
Lol @ AJAC and Booker Dubois!
LMAO!…..Ya’ll are crazy! I personally hate tha whole “who’s is it?” crap!….Negro it’s mine!…I love ya for that one YouMissMe!
I actually have had this conversation in the past with the my current partner about some of these lies. We laughed at the ridiculousness of it all.
My whole thing is if you ask me any of those questions you are liable to get the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me Jebus! So you might what to rethink the questions. So far in my experience I prefer a well endowed man, but if your lacking I’ll work with ya! If it’s good, I’ll tell you or better yet see if I can walk straight when I get up. lol…j/k If it’s yours, you shouldn’t have to ask! 🙂
Great blog, I agree with number 4 & 5
Thanks ItsMzNia! Welcome :o)
Yes all these are interesting up to an extent. You could add others in which the most prominent is of, number of people you have slept with. It has a rule of three. No matter woman has slept with 10 guys but she would always restrict herself to three in front of you and this is what I have experienced, my friends keep telling me who are close enough.
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ok I m a man who hasnt had sex in 17 years but what bugs me is why is it ok to call a man with many partners a stud and a women a whore