I’m not sure how this works for guys, but I have been taught all sorts of rules from grandmothers, aunts, female cousins, and my mother about specific rules to follow in romantic relationships. Given that many of my girlfriend’s have the same opinions, I assume that this information has been passed from the women in their family as well. Of course, these rules do not prevent or decrease the likelihood of having arguments/debates with the significant other. This is where the foundation of this post emerges.
I believe there is probably a ton of misinformation that each gender holds about rules to interactions romantic relationships, so I am writing this particular blog as a continuation series of different topics to allow us, the Grown Folks, to possibly come to some conclusions on rumors that have been circulated.
For this week, I thought I would start off with asking about the rules of dating pursuit. From the perspective of a woman, here are some of the advice I have been given from women as well as men:
1. Don’t call a guy first when you exchange numbers because you would appear as being desperate. If he is truly interested, he will call.
2. No sex on the first date. He won’t respect you afterward.
3. As a matter of fact, no sex within the first 3-4 months of dating.
4. You shouldn’t appear to be too available. You want to make sure you at least appear to have a life.
5. A guy should pay on the first date.
6. If the guy seems to call you only after midnight, then he is only interested in a booty-call.
7. A guy will make it explicitly known if he is interested in the dating to progress to a relationship. Don’t force the issue.
Grown Folks, what do you think of some of these “rules” of dating that have been passed down to women? Would you consider these to be “misinformation” or is there some truth in these recommendations in the dating game? Guys, are there rules that you have been given about dating women?
Grown Folks Talking
jaidevivre
Youmiss
mrsgrownlady
bookerdubois
I already know where at least one of your members going to say on this topic…but here is my view…these rules can be applicable and in some cases useful guidelines. Still, and what the heck, rules are bent to be broken. Shoot, why don’t you live your life, make some mistakes, then come up with the best “rules” for your own life, then at least you can say, I lived!
Everything has a reaction, whether you follow the rules are not. Have
your own principles and guidelines are just setting boundaries for yourself, to better cope with any repercussions. I say live!\
*P.S. Don’t care about spelling mistakes tonight, or grammatical error because I am living….lol!
I like it. I’ll just live by my own rules. My guy friends would probably talk bad about me, but whateva
I agree with 2,4,5 and 7.
With the 1st rule, I love a woman who has the courage to make first contact. It conveys to me a woman who knows what she wants.
LOL@MyEgo! I don’t have time for a more detailed reply right now. Just LOL…
LOL is good!
I agree with numbers 5,6 and 7, but I also agree with My Ego. You should just be true to you, and if that means that you break a rule who cares! I definitely do whatever I think will make me happy, and I believe we all should. I said I believe in #5, but I dated a girl for almost five years that took me on the first date.
Well, what makes it okay for some girls to put out without judgment while other girls are heavily criticized?
I think that it is about the way that women carry themselves. I am not as concerned with sexual partners or how much time that it takes for us to “exercise” as I am with her public appearance. I heard an old lady tell her grandson that she didn’t like his girlfriend because she was nasty. He told her that his sister wasn’t perfect. The old lady said to him well at least she is a private hoe, a discrete hoe! lol I think that is really what it is about. It isn’t what you do as much as it is how you do it!
What interesting turns this convo has taken since I was last here! LMAO @ being a “private hoe!”
It always comes back to that, jaidevivre. Men can be public hoes, women just have to do their ish on a low low! And act like butter could not even melt!
Indeed, indeed!
LMAO! So I just need to be discrete with my hoe-dom and then I can put out on the first date? LOL!!
I can agree with that. I guess it’s the idea that you can be into a girl and things just “happened” versus going out with a girl that you expect to “exercise” with right away anyway.
I am curious about #7 in terms of knowing how long you should wait for the guy to actually make this decision. I think typically, the relationship just “happens” but what about those situations where you’re not sure if the guy has made it a committment?
Why wait? If he is not reciprocating or showing the correct signs, kick his b-hind to the curb! Dueces!
I think it depends on if the two people are on the same time line. When it turns into a relationship for one, may not be the same time frame for the other. Now, I tend to prefer being in a committed relationship, so I expect that the person I choose to date intimately will be on my same page. Then again I have had girlfriends that have stuck by the same guy who claimed that he wasn’t quite ready. When should someone know when to walk out?
I will address each line individually.
1. Don’t call him first, why not? Aren’t you playing games? The first thing that comes out so many females mouth is I don’t have time for games but this seems to directly contradict that thought.
2. Why no sex on the first date. If he respects you, he respects you. If he doesn’t he doesn’t. It is the impression that you give off. If you are a hoe your a hoe no matter if you give it up the first night or 6 months later, you are what you are.
3. See above answer.
4.Why not appear to be available? Again, why play games. Just be honest an open. If you like him why not just let him know. Just because you play hard to get and he chases you doesn’t mean he wants more than sex.
5. You should pay for your own shit. I am against going on dates all together, but that is another topic for another day.
6. I don’t agree. Some people are busy and dont settle in until late. If he only wants to come over after midnight, then I agree with your statement.
7. I thought females were trying to be independent? Why does the man have to make it known that he wants a relationship. Do you wait for jobs in the paper to come and find you or do you pursue them? If you want it, go get it.
My biggest issue with all of these things is that it assumes that all men are alike and think alike. I disagree completely. If you can’t seem to find love and you follow this model maybe you should eliminate your rules and let things happen naturally.
Just my 2 cents
Heeyy TxBoy!! Welcome to GFT! We’ve been waiting for you.
I don’t think youmissme assumes that all men are the same. I think the point is that many of us women have been given this kind of advice. Frankly, though, I think that a lot of it is practical in today’s dating world. I would love not to play, but what happens when everyone else is on level 5 of the game? The guy I’m dating now is delightfully straightforward, which is one of my favorite things about him. But I have definitely had to engage in some of this kind of tomfoolery in the past.
LOL @ “pay for your own shit.” AND your philosophical stance against going out on dates…
See?! I knew guys changed the rules depending on the case LOL.
I wrote in an earlier post that women are sometimes the main ones to police these “rules”. In other words, women are the ones judging other women for breaking these steadfast laws… even though I have heard several guys say some of these same things.
I think TxBoy brings up a point about his preconceived view of the girl. So, you don’t have to worry about the rules as long as he respects you coming into the dating situation.