Role Maintenance

A couple of years ago, Diddy started putting people on blast for the plague he called bitchassness.  I’m glad that he saw evidence of a problem, identified it and spoke on it.  Someone had to do it because ”all that’s necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

I know that’s right.

So, now that I have identified a growing problem, I can do no less. 

Have you ever had someone you just started dating charge you about where you were last night?  Or someone who doesn’t put in on your phone bill or rent ask you why you didn’t pick up the phone or answer the door?  Ever have a coworker who knows too much about how long it took you to get back from lunch?  EVEN WORSE, have YOU ever done those things?

You see? This sh*t is epidemic.

 That’s why I want to speak to you today about a little thing I like to call Role Maintenance. The philosophy of stay in your lane.  

 In the interest of self-awareness and improvement, let’s examine some situaions that might arise:

Scenario #1:  You are “dating” a guy. He tells you upfront that he doesn’t want a relationship and he will never introduce you to his friends.  He only calls you between the hours of 11 p.m. and 4 a.m. (also known as booty o’clock) and if you do happen to run into him in public, he does not acknowledge you.

How to stay in your lane: No spontaneous visits, emotional conversations, or emergency phone calls.  You’re not the girl; you’re the jump-off.  Don’t insist that your homegirls accompany you to his house unannounced and loud talk him when he doesn’t open the door. And (especially if I’m the homegirl), please don’t ask for assistance in committing any misdemeanors involving his property or person.

Scenario #2: You are “dating” a girl. When you met, you regaled her with tales about how much money you make, what kind of car you drive and how you believe firmly that “it ain’t tricking if you got it.”  She only calls you on or around the first of the month or when she needs her hair done.

How to stay in your lane: Once again, no unannounced visits.  You’re not the man; you’re just part of the committee. As such, you might see something you would rather not witness.   No getting upset when she asks for money or if she seems to be rationing the P.  This is the pattern of interaction YOU initiated.  Don’t complain about it now.    If you decide to move on to a less costly venture relationship, do so quietly.  You need not make a scene or talk bad to her about how a lot of other women would love to have a man like you.

Scenario #3:  You have a female neighbor.  She seems to have lots of friends, many of them male, who come to visit at various times of the day and night. Sometimes, she comes home late at night or even very early in the morning.  You don’t actually know her, but you do know what make, model and color car she drives, as well as that of all of her more frequent visitors. 

How to stay in your lane:  Quit peeking out of your blinds and trying to ask intrusive questions when you clearly aren’t acquainted.   Mind your own damn business and get a life! You’re not entitled to information.  You’re not a friend; you just share some geography. 

What are some other situations where someone would be well-advised to stay in their lane? Do you know of someone who could stand to practice some role maintenance?  Tell us what you know, Grown Folks?

~Jai de Vivre

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