One of the first things I always do when I move or start a new job is find all neighborhood Starbucks locations. I am one of those ridiculous people who, in times of financial crisis, might have to look seriously at my Starbucks consumption. Wherever I work or live, the people at the Starbucks know me. I’m a regular. I don’t ever have to ask for my venti vanilla rooibos with one tea bag only and the other on the side. Like I said, they know me and they just get to work on sight. And if they don’t see me pick up the dark cherry yogurt parfait, they notice (and comment on) the deviation from my routine.
In most cases it’s enough for the baristas to know my face and my drink. Occasionally, one will feel the need to know my name.
I have an unusual name (it was my grandmother’s) that I generally decline to give to strangers. If I decide that we probably won’t meet again, I’ll introduce myself as Jai, rather than go through the rigmarole of repeating my name three times and still earning a blank stare for my trouble.
The manager at the Starbucks closest to my office, after several weeks of congenial conversation about the weather, my outfit or her love of Brazilian coffee, wanted to know my name. As I said, if she had asked I would have said Jai and kept it moving. But she didn’t ask. She tried to read it off my card after she swiped it for payment. And although for most people, SEEING my name is all that’s necessary to make the pieces fall in place, she still didn’t get it. And so she held my card hostage as she practiced her hooked-on-phonics skill sets on my name. (And on a Monday morning, at that! Don’t play!) I finally wrested my card back, pronounced my name for her (three times) and got the blank stare. Then, to end a convo I’m sure she wished she’d never started, she said, “That’s…interesting…”
I am constantly being told about my name. It’s interesting/beautiful/unique/different/odd. They give me this commentary like I haven’t lived with this name my whole life. Further, they offer up their opinions freely and unstintingly- LIKE I ASKED FOR THEM.
For those of you blessed with job-getting names, let me put you up on game:
No reply is necessary. If I said my name was Jennifer, you wouldn’t feel the need to say anything else. Go with that. I automatically respect anyone a little bit more who after an introduction replies, “Nice to meet you [Jai's government name].” And that’s it.
A for effort. It doesn’t bother me when people mess up my name. I’m used to it and I’ll pretty much respond to any thing that starts with a J or a G. But make an attempt. People who refuse to try piss me off.
Can I call you… Whatever you want to finish that statement with, the answer is probably negative. One of my biggest name-related pet peeves is when people try to abbreviate my name. I once worked someplace for weeks before my boss asked me if I had a “shortcut name.” Yeah…no. Or more accurately, I DO have one, but it’s not for general use. If you don’t know what it is, it ain’t for you.
If you do know what my nickname is…don’t use it for introductions. I know I said I generally introduce myself that way to people I’ll never see again, but there’s a whole formula there. Let me make the determination. If I’m meeting your mother, I don’t want to be introduced as “my homegirl, Jai.” If you just don’t want to mess with the explanations, which I totally and completely understand, stand back and let me do it.
If you got a name straight out the hood, the strip club or the Motherland, I want to hear what your name-related pet peeves are. Also, what’s the worst most outrageous name you ever heard?
*We’re slowly but surely getting the rest of the site together. For the next few weeks, we’ll be adding info to “The Grown Folks” page. If you want to know more about your girl, check out my bio.
~Jai de Vivre
Grown Folks Talking
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I 100% co-sign this post. As a job-getting named negro my first name gets chewed to pieces. When attorneys for admin staff from another office call or e-mail me my name becomes Kevin. “Did it say Kevin on your caller i.d?”I don’t give partial credit for getting the first three letters correct either.
“If you do know what my nickname is”
My boys will introduce me as Wu to people all the time. This drives me insane.
“My boys will introduce me as Wu to people all the time. This drives me insane.”
Yeah, I really do understand the impulse to temporize, but it’s sooo annoying.
I co-sign as well, growing up All I meet was girls that shared my first name an having a friend whose parents thought it would be cute to name there son Ashley an the ridicule he recieved an the fights he got into was enough for me to abbreviate mine for the better part of 15 years now only close family an friends now my goverment name an it is for that very reason Jai stated
That’s a circumstance I hadn’t considered- having a stereotypically girl name as a boy. I bet that does result in a whole slew of unnecessary commentary…
LMAO! Complete co-sign with the whole name thing.
The best way to overcome this obstacle is to find a celebrity with the same name. Hell, it worked for me. Now people mispronounce simple names, but manage to say mine correctly. Go figure.
I have live my whole life with the wonderful 4 syllable name that was given to me. When waiting at a restaurant I either use my last name or make something up. I also dislike being asked for a nickname! BIT……. I mean sir/man if I wanted to give you my nickname, then you would have it already! My mama named me “such and such” you can call me “such and such”! We are NOT friends, and nicknames are for just that………. Friends.
P.S. I had a friend in high school named Bacardi. Yes like the drink only different!
I used to teach dance to two little girls who were best friends. Their names were Chardonnay and Alize (although neither was actually spelled correctly).
And with those names, their individual destiny forecasted… though I hope that they rise above what appears to be a hopeless situation.
I find it interesting when people try to modify my very common name. It doesn’t need to be shorten it’s only six letters!
In high school, I tended to go by my shortened name- mostly because I HATED having to explain my name and where it’s “from”.
Every nationality known to human kind has staked some claim in my name’s origin. Is it African? Is it Korean? Is it Columbian? Is it Chinese?
No, I was named after a neighbor and my mom slightly changed the pronunciation. Sorry there is no fancy explanation.
What’s funny is that my name IS African. But no one ever gets that. And I wish more people would ask so they didn’t think my mama just made this ish up…
I didn’t know you were named after a neighbor…
So what is everyones real names
I once knew someone named Sharon Stone (not the movie star).
I actually worked with this person for while, and our office credit card (that I used more than anyone else to buy supplies, lunch, etc.) was Sharon Stone’s. Now, I have a very, very common name, so I’m not used to getting the comments….but I sure got used to them quickly with that credit card. “Oh my gosh, who woulda thought, Sharon Stone, in OFFICE DEPOT!” “Did your parents do that on purpose?” “Can I have your autograph?”…it was incessant. And it was easier to just lie – “Yeah, I know – my husband’s last name” – than to explain…because by the time they finished their snickering and remarks, it had already taken up way more of my day than I had planned to spend in Office Depot. So, even as a woman with a very common name, I get it 100%!
LOL, yeah that’s me all day. It’s amazing how much time a convo about my name can potentially waste…
@cogcol. You simple bastard! If we wanted you to know our governments then we wouldn’t use handles.
P.s. Cogcol and I know one another.
“You simple bastard”
LMAO! Glad you qualified it. I was about sit back, grab the popcorn, and watch the GFT drama LOL!
And while we are at it, maybe we can talk about names that just don’t make sense. I have been WAITING to have a few words with the mama that named her baby L-ea (aka LaDASHea).
@ youmissme. Yeah…….. Not at all an “internet gangsta”. Lol.
Listen I have seen some funny names or names that made you say hmmmmmm. A lady named her child Da’Fynest nixxa jones an thought it was cool or a young lady I had the pleasure of meeting at church Sundai lovine brown yeah I think some of this can be caught at the head if parents knew better an u have to do better if you knew better
OMG, you kilt me dead with Da’Fynest! That sounds like the name of a Kappa party…or an Alpha joint if you spelled it Phynest…
@ jai. You must be greek. I never would have thought of that.
“Da’Fynest”
Completely dead right now LMAO!
My full name is Karlmichael Vernon Jones. Imagaine not having enough spaces on your scantrons in elementary school so instaed of karlmichael im now karlmicha or karlmich (karl-mee-cha or karl-mich) now at 8 or 9 i had to tell a teacher that my name is NOT karl-michelle as they had pronounced.
I have to get on to people about my name because if they are going to pronounce it then they are going to pronounce it well. From my introduction, I have always been one that was not easy to forget. my name isnt carmichael, not carmike, michael-karl not karl-mitchell, not karl-michelle, not karmicha.
i once told a teacher “my name is karlmichael,
she responded “like susie carmichael?” (like the black chick from rugrats)
i then responded (no, like stokely carmichael just more powerful”
the (white) substitute teacher looked at me with disdain in her eyes and said ” oh i see we have a smart alick in here”
I looked at her with all sincerity and stated ” Im not a smart alick, I’m just on my way to being a genius”
needless to say i was sent to the office and had to call my mother and explain myself. I thought i was in for the worst “spanking” of my life, but much to my surprise, she told me that she was proud of me and that she was on the way to pick me up.
A few years later, i pondered the incident and thought to myself, Did she really compare me to a cartoon character? was i wrong for letting her konw that I should be compared to a historical militant?
what do you think?
I concur!