I didn’t become a grown man until I was 26 years old (I’m currently 29). I mean, I was an adult at 22 (that’s when I started to pay ALL of my own bills). I was legal at 18. But, a man? Not until I was 26. So, what makes a grown man, a grown man? The answer is not difficult and yet, it still manages to escape most guys twice my age. It is the ability to realize the difference between what is important and what is unimportant. And further, the wisdom to act accordingly based on that difference.
So, what brought me to that revelation? Simple, easy, and cliché, the love of a woman, or rather, the lack thereof. Hahaha! It sounds funny even as I say it. At one time in my life I had a woman that adored me, loved me, and would probably do anything for me, and I DID NOT CARE! Selfish, maybe. Ignorant, sure. Immature, definitely. Inevitably, she moved on.
At the end of the day it boils down to one thing, understanding.
Understanding of what love is and what it means (don’t worry, I’m going to tie this back up to becoming a grown man in just a bit). It wasn’t until I realized that I could not be the most extraordinary person that I am meant to be in life without the proverbial “her” right next to me, pushing me, growing me, to become that person, that man, that it hit me. Hmmm…isn’t that what’s important? Being everything in life that God has destined for me to be…
Booker Dubois
Grown Folks Talking
jaidevivre
Youmiss
mrsgrownlady
bookerdubois
Booker, I will love you all my days for this! Great post!
Two things. First, I have seen/read/participated in many a convo about what a real man is. Always mentioned- money, education, sometimes integrity, etc. This is literally the first time I’ve seen some discussion of emotional intelligence. The ability to love and be loved in return requires a totally different skill set than the tools needed for academic/professional success. I would be interested to see if other guys agree with your perspective…
Second, and the reason you now have my undying love, is because that woman you mentioned? I know her. I’ve been her. I think every woman has been, at least once. As you said, we move on. But some tiny corner of hope remains that all the blood, sweat and tears we put into a relationship with a man who dismissed/disappointed/disregarded/disrespected us did not go unnoticed. I know I’ll never hear it from him, but my secret wish is that one day, just for a moment, he’ll quietly acknowledge to himself what a good thing he had in me. (My not-so-secret wish is that I’ll be deliriously happy with a man who knows not to sleep on his job and he’ll be significantly less so with a chick who doesn’t quite measure up. Not nice, I know, but I’m a work in progress
)
Great way to end the week!
@Jaidevivre: Complete cosign!
@Booker Dubois- Was there a particular event that triggered this realization?
I wonder if this is the experience that many men have or is this something exclusively saved for men with certain characteristics?
@youmissme: the event that triggered it was my “epiphany” when she left. And make no bones about it, I loved her. I loved her more than any person on the face of the Earth (didn’t realize that until later though). I just didn’t, at the time, have the capacity to understand that she was what was important in my life. Do most men experience this??? ONLY if they actually loved that woman. If not, then they definitely did not.
I have actually encountered the same type of admiration for a “blast from the past”, but she was not the woman for me. I just realized, as I matured, that she was a GREAT woman. She was still not the woman for me, but didn’t deserve half of the things she had to endure during the break up! I should have definitely bowwed out more gracefully.
Glad to get a cosign on what Booker said. If you check out my comment upthread, I think all women would like to believe that a good man will eventually understand that he had a good woman. And it’s also good for the psyche to believe that men will not always behave foolishly, that at some point we will move beyond the drama, etc.